Have you ever felt confused? I would imagine everyone reading this at some point or another has felt this state of being. We are faced with numerous amounts of decisions throughout the day. Should I have that last piece of cake for breakfast or should I blend up some carrots and kale? Should I take that new position at work or should I start up my own business? Should I finish college or university or should I backpack across Europe? Should I have children or not? Little to big, we face decisions every single day.
So naturally, a state of confusion would be inevitable at some point. Do you believe that when you are confused that it is a negative thing? See, I think many of us do. We are taught to believe that we must have the answers to our questions immediately and if we don’t…something must be wrong. That’s not entirely true, nor is it entirely false. Being in a state of confusion can be a blessing in disguise.
Let me explain. I think it’s safe to say, that deciding whether or not to have cake for breakfast or a veggie smoothie is a pretty simple decision right? If so, then why do some people place so much of their value and worth on such a simple decision? For example, let’s say Megan opens up the fridge door, she sees the triple chocolate cake…there’s only one piece left but it looks so good. She’s been “trying” to eat healthy and has committed to losing those 5 lbs because she really wants to lose the weight but that cake is just sitting there…talking to her. She knows how delicious it will taste compared to the veggie smoothie she “should” be having and before you know it 5, 10 minutes have gone by and she hasn’t been able to make a decision about what to have for breakfast!
In fact, in that period of time she has told herself things like, “If you eat that cake you know you’re going to regret it. If you eat that cake you’re just going to feel guilty about it later. If you eat that cake your entire day will be ruined. If you eat that cake it means you’re not committed to losing that weight you know. You never follow through on anything do you? Why can’t you just stick with the plan? What’s wrong with you?” Whoa…and I thought we were just talking about cake here. It’s never just about the cake. It’s always about the layers and stories around the cake. How did eating something you truly enjoy become all about how much value you place on yourself?
Megan is obviously confused here right? It doesn’t take 5-10 minutes to decide whether or not you want a veggie smoothie or not. But it does take time to know why the decision is so hard to make. You can apply this to any situation. Right from the small decisions to those really big life altering decisions. What is the story behind the situation?
We have a responsibility when we are in a state of confusion and I’m going to share that with you now:
- It’s time to start digging for those answers. If you are confused about something in your life right now and you truly desire to be able to come to a clear decision it your responsibility to start asking questions. In Megan’s case I would ask her: How committed are you truly to losing those 5 lbs? Why is it so important to lose them? Will you feel better about yourself if you do? Or is that an external validation for an inner feeling of loss of self-worth? If you don’t lose the 5 lbs what does that mean? Have you failed if you choose the cake? If yes, then does failure give the excuse to give up? Is there another time in your life where giving up became a pattern for you? Are you afraid of your own success?
- Be willing to do the work. Confusion is an opportunity to reevaluate what is and what is not working. Saying “I don’t know” is more like saying, I want to avoid the situation. I don’t want to talk about it because it means I have to face what I don’t want to face. If I say I don’t know it means I don’t have to hurt anyone and I would do anything to not hurt anyone including lie to avoid the truth. We always know. Stop being afraid of the elephant in the room.
- Be kind and patient with yourself. If you are in a really tough situation right now where a lot is resting on making some decisions about why you are confused this is not the time to start responding out of guilt, this is not the time to start beating yourself up. Truly, you will repeat behaviour that is disempowering and not in alignment with seeking clarity if you start operating from a place of guilt. The emotions you are feeling are not there to overwhelm you, they are there to guide you. Stop judging yourself and place no expectation on things having to be right or wrong. Be fully present and conscious so you can take everything into account, seek guidance from credible and reliable sources and take 5-10 deep breaths when you feel overwhelm come over you. Change your state so you can change the outcome.
It may sound bizarre but embrace the confusion. We were not designed to have all the answers to all of our questions all the time. We are not google! If we were we wouldn’t need one another. Relationships would be pointless. Friendships would not serve a purpose. Our offspring would only use us for purely survival purposes. It would totally suck. The wrong part of confusion would be to stay in that state and not do the work to find the clarity and discover your truth. Honestly, being confused isn’t a bad thing, choosing to stay there because it’s safe and comfortable is not cool. It does not serve your higher purpose and will affect your ability to grow, learn and adapt. So embrace confusion so you can truly release it and just know, it will more than likely happen to you again. When it does though wouldn’t it be nice to get excited about that? I mean, it’s an opportunity for a breakthrough! I friggin’ love that!
It would mean the world to me if you received a new insight, something of value from this blog today that you would let me know. Leave a comment below, send me an email. Anything you like, I love hearing from you. And as always, I am so grateful when you share my posts on social media.
You are all sorts of amazing,